I really have no idea why I feel so compelled to write about this, but here goes.....
Steven and I have had some interesting trails in our married life, one being the opportunity to suffer with infertility issues. Which this is the reason we have chosen adoption, we love and know that we are so blessed to have the children we have in our family. We have had some amazing experiences to say the least. I made the comment to my mother at one time, that my life is based on miracles, and she strongly agreed. Glad to have her support on that one.
Each time we have had the chance to adopt our endeavors have worked out in our favor. Except for a recent situation that I have had much heartache over. It has been difficult for me to know and understand the reasoning behind it all.
If I relied on faith, I think I know what needs to happen, but I am having a hard time believing I need to drag my family through this process maybe time and time again. I wish sometimes, I could see my life 10 years from now. I just want to share the experience with you that tune into this blog. Maybe you will have some advice that I could use. Feel free to comment whatever position or opinion you have I would love it.
Recently we have been extremely happy with our little family we have been given. In feeling comfortable we have been ruffled a little. We was un aware of any information being available to birth mothers other than our blogs, that we were looking for another adoption. That being said we received an email about a month ago from a brave young women looking to place a baby boy.
I was stunned at first that we would be receiving information through email. I had Steven sit down and read it. From his reaction, I decided we needed to look into this a little more. Finding the source of the problem being our information was not ever removed from a previous site.
Wow! This is one of those simple things I thing is a miracle so within the week we had to redo alot of information we didn't have. Those being a current home study, background checks and many many forms and documents. All of that being done was another miracle.
So the next step was actually finding out if this adoption situation was a real opportunity. YES it was! Next we began to email and found ourselves becoming emotionally attached to this young girl and her unborn baby boy. We found many similarities, same occupations, names of family members, many likes and talent the same, our lifestyles when we were young, many, many, many similarities. I was more than convinced that this was for sure a third miraculous story we would embark on.
We meet her face to face and talked for quit sometime, feeling extremely connected in many ways. We felt so guided in this situation. I'm not sure what happened other than there was a different plan in mind for this little guy. After many tears and sleepless nights I still wonder, what we do with this situation. Do you move forward with hope, something really soon works out for the best? Or do you cherish what we love and adore and protect ourselves from the heartache and disappointment that will maybe happen over and over?
I hope you have some advice for us, because I think we are really in the protecting mode right now.
8 comments:
Syndee, I'm so sorry!!! I'm also sorry to say that I don't have any good advice because I too am conflicted and in protection mode. When I start thinking of proceeding with baby #3 my heart rate goes up and I am terrified thinking of the pain we might go through again. However everytime I try and say to myself, "You have 2 beautiful girls that is more than most, just enjoy them and come what may." I know that I am only fooling myself. I want more than 2 kids and I know that I would go through the pain all over again if it meant having these 2 in my life and I'm sure you feel the same way. It's hard to even think about putting yourself out there again after a loss like this. I have been there a few times myself. Just follow your heart...Do you feel complete with your 2 beautiful girls or do you feel like there could be another one out there somewhere that could be your 3rd miracle. The pain from this loss won't last foever. Give yourself some time to grieve and when your heart heals a little, the decision will be alot more clear. If you decide to try again it will all be worth it in the end, just like it was with Kylee and Kynzee. This is just another part of the adoption roller coaster. I probably haven't helped much. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. I know your pain and it makes my heart hurt just to read your story. I wish you the best and hope that you will find the answers that you are looking for. Again, I am so sorry for your loss!!!
I don't think you should ever just give up and stop trying. If you feel like there is someone missing from your family you should keep trying to adopt. I am sorry that you had to go through the last situation. But it makes me think that since you felt so guided and connected to this birth mom that maybe she might play a part in an adoption down the road. Not necessarily with her, but birthmoms talk. Families talk. You never know when the connection with her will make a full circle with someone else she knows. Does that make sense? Everything happens for a reason, at least that is what I believe.
I am so sorry Syndee. I cannot imagine how hard that would be. I think Mandy said it perfectly. I think it would be so hard not to want to protect everyones hearts, but then I look at your two gorgeous girls and think go for it! I am here to chat if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to. I will pray for you guys! HUGS!
I just checked in on you guys hoping there was a new post and there was! Sorry it wasn't a great news post :(
Anyway, I hate that things didn't flow smoothly and bring you the miracle you wanted, but maybe this was just a way to open your heart to the possibilty of another child. The disappointment in it not working out is a reminder that maybe there is someone else waiting to come to your family, and as hard as it is to put yourself out there again, the ends will justify the means. After Sam, it was hard to trust in God's plan for us and try again, but hard things make us better.
I hope you find peace about it all. I totally agree with you that seeing into the future would be nice...I guess that wouldn't be a test of faith though. This was a rambling message, but I had to let you know that I checked in on you and was sad for what might have been. Keep loving on those cute girls and hope and pray for resolution.
The Lord works in mysterious ways. At one time, I also didn't want to open my heart to anymore pain with getting my family here. So the Lord put "obstacles" in my way that forced me to open my heart and mind and have faith in His plan. I really believe there are no cooincidences in adoption. Everything happens for a reason, and if this happened so that you could be prepared when the next surprise comes along - then it will have all been worth it. And maybe that "surprise" could be another child to love, or maybe it could be the faith you acquire during the whole process. Either way - you have gained a priceless gift.
I have had you and your family on my mind a lot lately. I want you all to know how much we love you and we are sorry for your heartache. In so many ways I feel your heartache and want you to know it does get better. (with time) My advice is just that - give yourself and your family TIME to let your hearts heal before you make any decision. It's difficult to understand why we have to go through the trials we do, and then figure out what we are supposed to learn from them. I am confident that one day it will all make sense. Until then, we will just be strong and keep fighting the fight. Lots of LOVE! Shannon
All these experiences help us to appreciate what we have "more", and also allows us to be there for others who may one day go through the same things. It's interesting how we are brought together, but as children of our Heavenly Father, we have an obligation to look out for and help one another, even when things don't go as planned....good luck with everything Syndee. You guys have an amazing family.
Oh Syndee, I'm so sorry. We have felt the same way. We had one fall through last summer and I had the same questions. My girls were as attached as we were and they felt the grief in their own child-like way. I felt so protective of them and was not sure we could ever embark on the journey again. I wasn't sure I could emotionally handle it as well. Knowing I had felt prompted to make sure they have another sibling, we began again. We had another fall through in the beginning of March. So sad... the protective momma bear in me came out once again! And then the next week we adopted Ian. Since he is bi-racial and my girls are not, we have to consider whether or not to go through the process yet once again so he can have a bi-racial sibling. I'm not sure I can do it again. Anyway, I know I'm not any help at all, but sometimes it helps me to know that I'm not the only one wondering what to do as we build our family. Thank goodness there are so many miracles in adoption! It makes the hard times that much more worth it.
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